It’s the year 2018 in the 21st century. We’ve put a man on the moon. The wisdom of the ages can be held in the palm of our hands. The sex toy industry is booming and there are androids being built for the sole purpose of sex…for men. And throughout all of this… women are still not having regular orgasms. How are we inventing quicker, easier, more efficient ways to do every single thing but are still unable to achieve a society where women’s sexual pleasure is seen as just as important as men’s.
I’ve had so many conversations with women who have never had an orgasm or who have only been able to orgasm with one of their sexual partners or who orgasm infrequently, even in long term committed relationships. There are still women who genuinely think that sex can only be pleasurable for men and who have resigned themselves to an orgasm-less life. The research stats bear it out and the numbers are, to be honest, frightening. The conversation is gaining traction though. As the voices of empowered, liberated females gain more validity in the sphere of science and technology, research is being done, societal norms are being challenged and changed, and oh happy day, the clitoris is finally getting some much needed attention. The seemingly elusive female orgasm may become as prominent and important as the male orgasm. What a time to be alive!
While the research is fairly new, and we’re not entirely sure that everyone…ahem, men… will receive and read the memo when it’s finally published, there’s a lot we as women can do to take our pleasure into our own hands. Literally and figuratively. It’s not wrong or selfish to take responsibility for and control of our abilities to enjoy sex more. The oppressive dogma still pervades and too many religious persons try to repress the discussion of female sexual pleasure. Too many young women are still being indoctrinated with lies about sex and their sexuality. Our voices need to be heard. More of us need to share our experiences and our knowledge with each other. Like this TED talk for example:
It’s not nearly as difficult as it’s been made out to be. Both men and women can achieve orgasm in the same amount of time while masturbating… Yes. The exact same average – 4 minutes. FOUR. As women, we really need to develop a better understanding of our own selves. I’ve been putting off this post for a while now because it was such a personal and subjective topic. But I really think that there are some basic things that we can all do to make our sex lives more fulfilling. I can really only write this from the perspective of a cis-gendered, heterosexual female, but I hope even one of the points helps someone.
Know Yourself….
Yes, that way… This is the most important thing. In the same way we’re encouraged to spend time figuring out what we want academically, professionally and personally, we should also be given leave to determine what we want for ourselves sexually. Get to know your body. Learn your erogenous zones. Touch them. Find out for yourself how much pressure you like, how much speed, how much friction. You can absolutely teach yourself how to have an orgasm. Hormones play an important role in what you like and when you like it. Tracking your sensitivity and responses during your cycle can help you figure out when you’re most likely to have an orgasm, the intensity of the orgasm at each stage of your cycle and even the type of sex you like based on where you are in your cycle. A simple period tracking app can help as most of them allow you to take notes and track your moods and emotions. They’re an excellent way to get to know your body well. And then, you can teach your partner.
Choose Wisely…
About that partner though. He should be willing to learn. He should want to. Otherwise, he’s not really your partner. He doesn’t deserve to be. You should be able to have an open, honest conversation. Make it an event. Have a glass of wine. Or a bottle… Loosen up. Talk. Demonstrate. Allow him to explore and practice. Have fun… There’s no better way to learn…
Open Your Mind…
There’s so much you can do. And so many things you can do it with… We’re all different. Once you figure out what you like and what you’re willing to do, don’t be afraid to kick it up a notch. While everything is not for everybody, the limitations only exist in your mind. Go shopping…
I’m no professional. I’m just making suggestions based on a fair amount of experience and my own research, much of it hands on… It’s about time we get to the point where all women understand and believe that sex was not created for men. We are not tools for their pleasure. Sex isn’t something to be endured. It’s something to be enjoyed. Cum on now, step into a new age of mutual pleasure…
The Happiness Paradigm 
I cum-pletely agree! 😉
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