Fi Mi (Mine)…?

In my country (Jamaica) we have a saying, ‘wah a fi mi (yuh) cyaan unfi mi (yuh)’. It means what is mine (yours) can never not be mine (yours). I’ve heard it often. Mostly from the lips of my wise elders.There was a time in my life that I believed it wholeheartedly. Not so much anymore. And I mean literally up to the point of writing this post. I started and ended up curled up on my bed having what I can only refer to as a mild existential crisis. This phase of growth I’ve been going through has been rife with them. On this journey of happiness I’ve been forced to question long held beliefs and examine my life from perspectives I never thought I’d have. It can be terrifying but self-awareness is a superpower and I’m in the process of honing it.

While I have gradually distanced myself from organized religion, I have cemented myself firmly in my spirituality. I believe that our words and how we use them possess immense power. I believe that what we put our faith in can manifest. I believe in actions and consequences (karma), I believe in the absolute power of love and I believe that even if something is meant to happen it can in fact be delayed or derailed. But what I mostly believe is that you can in fact forfeit what could reasonably be yours and you can force something for a long while but if it’s not yours you can keep it and it will be a constant misery.

I don’t believe in absolute predestination. I think that our actions have consequences and we can cause a deviation from a particular path that results in a new outcome. I believe that something that we want or need can remain just beyond our reach because of our actions. How we receive something and if we keep it are solely up to us. It might keep circling around and we can keep running from it but it will always be there somewhere outside of our grasp if we do not take the right steps or adopt the right attitude. Whether or not it becomes or remains ours will be dictated by our choices.

Every single decision we make has a consequence. The words we say to someone can have a devastating effect on their psyche. We can rob someone of their joy, of their confidence because of the things we say. The battles we choose to fight can ultimately lose us something that is good for us – our health, our wealth or even our happiness. Sometimes we hold on so tightly to old fears and hurts and disappointments that we don’t leave room for new experiences or new possibilities. We miss out on good friendships because we refuse to forgive and we hold grudges. We forfeit relationships because we are impatient or we are afraid to be vulnerable or we find it too difficult to get past previous betrayals. We choose not to pursue our dreams and ambitions out of fear or laziness or complacency. And something that is completely achievable remains just out of our reach.

And just as we can miss out on what should be ours, we can also choose to hold on to what is not. We cement ourselves in dead end jobs that do not feed our passions. We watch the years tick by hating every single morning commute and every single task. And we choose to stay. We remain in unhappy, unfulfilling relationships, stuck in a rut, perpetuating monotony because it’s too much risk and too much effort to start over or worse, be alone for a while. We allow ourselves to be exploited in parasitic interactions, platonic or otherwise, because we have not learned to revel in our own company. So we stay, day in and day out losing a little more of ourselves with each passing moment.

At the end of the day, life is about choices and consequences. There are many things that we cannot control but it’s our attitude towards these things that impact the quality of our lives. Most importantly, we must make our choices count. Take a moment at the beginning of each day to ask for guidance, so that the choices you make will count towards your happiness. And even after that, take a moment to think before you say and do. And at the end of each day, take stock of your actions, reflect on the choices you made and learn the lessons that are laid out for you. Namaste.