Love Will Win…

It seems to be an almost constant feeling recently. For the past few years I seem to be moving from one reason to another to grieve. I lost family, friends, acquaintances and relationships. I am now so distressingly familiar with the stages of grief that I move through them quite efficiently. Sounds like a good thing right…? It’s really not…

Four years ago I had an experience that was unique for me. I found myself grieving two different kinds of losses at the same time. It was horrendous and confusing, overwhelming and more than a little frightening. But, I survived. It wasn’t something I wanted to experience again. Here we are though, another leap year and I’m fielding the effects of two losses in one week. One very personal, and another more international issue. What’s most confounding about this instance is that I’m moving through the grieving process for both incidents at different rates.

THE INTERNATIONAL INCIDENT

I never thought that elections in another country could so affect me. But I have family, friends and acquaintances in that country who will be profoundly affected by the already unfolding and potential negative effects of the results. The stories of hate, harassment and xenophobic actions are already being shared. The instances of sexual harassment, which resonate with me, have already begun. I am scared. I’ve proceeded through Shock and Denial for this one very quickly. Because seriously. There’s nothing to deny. The figures have been clearly displayed. A very specific demographic has spoken up and expressed their disdain, nay, their hate, for other sets of the populace. I’ve felt Anger. The anger I may never fully rid myself of. But for now, I’ve set it aside. Now is not the time to wallow in it. I was trudging through the Depression phase when I experienced the personal loss and had to re-enter the grieving process while still confused by the one I was going through for the first incident.

THE PERSONAL INCIDENT

This one I’m going to push through because it is not unfamiliar to me. I tore through Shock and Denial, and Anger pretty fast with this one. Mostly fueled by complete befuddlement. I’m still not sure how a situation devolves so quickly. I’m not sure and I cannot tear myself apart again processing another person’s reaction to me. The sadness of this loss careened headlong into the onset of the Depression from the first incident and knocked me flat. I’ve not Bargained, because in one instance, I have no leverage, and in the other, I have said all I possibly could and had it roundly rejected, so I am forced to forfeit any benefits that could be derived by that stage. I’m struggling through Acceptance now.

Two things I was looking forward to have now been lost to me. Two amazing possibilities are now lost to regret. A historical event that would have elevated a nation has been destroyed by hate and bigotry and ignorance. A personal joy has been reduced to a painful memory because of mistrust and misunderstanding and anger. I’m still adrift but I’m not alone.

I have read the stories of people devastated by the unexpected loss, the men and women who are legitimately surprised that their families, friends, neighbours and co-workers, many for whom they had high regard, are in fact traders in hate and bigotry and discrimination. I have absorbed the fear of so many who are now living in limbo, unsure of who and what will attack them next. Children who cannot understand how it is possible that a person who embodies everything they have been told is wrong, has been given the ultimate reward. Parents who do not know how to explain to their children that this is how the world works without further destroying their innocence. Employees who will go to work but who will never be sure who is for them and who is against them; unless of course, that person, emboldened by this victory, feels empowered to spew the vitriol that has clearly been building up inside them. Students who live on campuses where victory parades and caravans are currently the order of the day. Home owners and renters whose properties are being vandalized by the very same neighbours with whom they had previously lived in peace if not in harmony. The list goes on. The pain is immeasurable. The effects are incalculable and not yet fully manifested. What has been brewing just below the surface of more persons than we thought has now emerged, bold and raw and undiluted by any facade of decency. There will be a reckoning. But as I suffer in solidarity, I am heartened by the fact that I have a source.

I have friends. Not lip-service friends. True, real, beautiful, amazing friends. I love them immensely. They have seen my grief and have offered me shoulders to cry on, ears willing to listen, hearts ready to reaffirm that I am loved and appreciated and understood, jokes to restore my humour. I am blessed in them. I am joyful, even in my pain. I am hopeful, even in my disappointment. I know I am not alone. I know that those who are hurting now will find their sources of strength as well. I am confident that friends and communities and demographics will reach a point where they band together to restore and reaffirm their humanity and their worth. I believe, with every fibre of my being that we will all emerge from this stronger and more unified in our purpose and our vision.

As I work through my personal pain and disappointment and offer support and encouragement to those who are still working their way through the stages of grief that this international incident has caused, I trust that love will win again. That hope will form an impenetrable shield around broken hearts as they heal and strengthen. That the power of the positive human spirit will prevail as it always does. All is never lost. It cannot be… And in this I have found Acceptance…