All The Good Men Are Either…

So it’s a holiday. I’m at home being a bum. I’m sitting here, just finished watching the Liverpool v Barcelona International Champions Cup match, doing some last minute scouting for my EPL Fantasy League team and giving myself a pedicure. Yeah I’m a girl… and in between assessing the players and reacting to the scoreline, I picked out the prettiest shades of pastel pink and green to paint my toenails while I soaked and moisturized my feet…

Last evening I spent some time with a sistren of mine and usually when girls get together the talk turns to men. I’m constantly amazed when I interact with my female friends how many of us are single. Single and comfortable mind you, but still open to finding a compatible partner with whom to share time and experiences. The women I know are educated, independent, dynamic and witty. I use the word dynamic to refer back to the first paragraph. We are not ‘typically’ female. We are adaptable, open-minded, adventurous and well-rounded (yes that’s a double entendre – we’re hot). We are by no means perfect and like every other human being, we have our flaws. So I cannot understand why our stories are so similar. We’ve all been used, hurt, and abused – mentally, emotionally, physically and too often, sexually. We’ve been lied to, cheated on and taken for granted. We’ve ended relationships and we’ve been broken up with. But we’re still here, open minded, open hearted and waiting. Some of us patiently, some of us not so patiently – biological clocks ticking and all that.

Some have given up all together. Too many broken pieces to put back together in order to be whole for someone else again. Worse, too much effort to put those pieces back together to have them thoughtlessly, carelessly or deliberately shattered once more. So single and (sadly) celibate became the safest choice. Casual sexual encounters are less of a crapshoot for men since you guys get off so much easier than we do – pun intended.

Ever since male/female interaction and relationships in general became of interest to me I’ve heard the saying that ‘all the good men are either gay or taken’. It’s true to some extent. I know some amazing men who have found their life partners and are happily  married and settled. I also know some amazing gay men, some of whom are also happily settled. I guess it should now be ‘all the good men are either gay and/or taken. But I’ve come to realize that it’s much more complex than that. There are good men out there who are choosing to remain single. For the same damn reason that some women are. I’m not talking about the fuckboys who don’t want to be ‘tied down’ to one person because they don’t have the capacity for much more than sex and ‘fun’. I’m talking about educated, employed, honest, decent men who have a lot to offer, but are no longer interested in pursuing relationships that often end with them being hurt.

Yeah. Men can get hurt too. The stereotype of the ‘dog’ has led many women to do selfish and awful things to men in some misguided attempt for retribution or equity. So just as there are women who no longer have the desire to have to put broken pieces back together there are men who just can’t be bothered anymore. Separate and apart from this terrifying trend of men killing women who end relationships with them, some even killing themselves and children as well, there are men who have decided to remain bachelors.

It’s no wonder it’s next to impossible to cross paths with a potential partner these days. And when you do, it’s punctuated with the disappointment of him turning out to either be one of the gay and/or taken or one of the bachelors by choice. Will it ever change? When do we get a chance to try to play nice with each other again? So many questions. It builds resilience, that much I can say. And sadly, not much more…